Update on Shadows of the Past

Hi everybody! I hope you’re all nice and cozy. You haven’t heard from me in a while, but here’s a quick update of what I’ve been up to lately.

As you all know, I’m currently writing and publishing chapters of the second volume of my series on Patreon.

So, for those of you who are interested and are patient enough for this, please head over to Patreon if you’d like to show your support — > https://www.patreon.com/alexward

Needless to say, you get to enjoy all the angst in the world before everyone else, because as we all know by now, I love torturing my characters and my readers alike.

So, the work on the second volume is going steady, but I can say rather confidently that I’ve probably reached the middle of the book at this point.

Obviously, things can shift since the final length of the book will be determined by what happens from this point onwards, but I’m not about to bore you with that. Mystery and all that crap. Someone bring the smoke machines, please.

At the moment the book stands at 101K words and I’m clearly not done with it. Let the shock seep in and pass. That’s what I did since I’ve just triple checked to make sure I’m not seeing double again. We really don’t want that.

So, if you guys remember, Dead Inside had 121K words, so saying that I’ve surpassed any and all expectations I held for this is not an exaggeration.

I can also say that Shadows of The Past has a different vibe compared to Dead Inside. Obviously, both I and my characters have grown in the past two years, so it was just the natural course of things. Those of you who have already read the chapters on Patreon have noticed that I’m writing two POVs in a very different manner, which is quite the experience, to be honest. The book has a different pace than Dead Inside. Where the events in the first volume took place over the span of a couple of months, the many events happening in SotP span over a handful of days.

It sounds intense, and it is, but I feel that this was the right decision right now. I’d say that one big difference between SotP and DI is that the scenes are longer, more detailed, and built more carefully around the characters so that they can truly shine and grow.

Now, in other news, I have focused some of my attention on re-editing Dead Inside as well and, let me tell you, I had several moments when I just wanted to burn the damn thing and start all over again, however, I won’t be doing that.

Granted, looking back at my first book after almost two years since it was published, I got a different perspective on everything. Some of the plot holes are niggling at me, begging to be fixed, the chapters feel rushed at times because in some cases they might have been, but I won’t be doing any major edits. I’ve been retouching some of the wording here and there, rethinking descriptions and some details, but the book as a whole is still the same and it will remain like that for the foreseeable future.

I will let you guys know when the re-edit for Dead Inside will be uploaded on Amazon, so that you can all update your existing book and, hopefully, be able to enjoy a better version of the story. Most likely that won’t be the last edit of that book, and I still hope that at some point I will be able to get a professional to have a look at it, but it will have to do for the time being.

In the meantime, if you have read Dead Inside already, it would do me a world of good if you guys could just head over to Goodreads and leave a review or a rating for it. The more, the merrier, since I have plenty of faith that Shadows of The Past is at least ten times better than anything I wrote so far. I don’t want you guys to miss out on the second volume, because I know for a fact that both the story and my writing have improved over the years. And I’m confident my characters are going through twice the turmoil and anguish they’ve been through so far.

Maybe just ignore that last part, we can all pretend it never happened.

So, please, any review, feedback, or comment is much appreciated. Here’s a link to Dead Inside — > https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42015480-dead-inside

You can also find it on Kindle Unlimited — > https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dead-Inside-Temporary-Bliss-1-ebook/dp/B07HLSW31P

And you can also find on GR the blurb and cover for the upcoming Shadows of the Past, which hopefully won’t be too long now — > https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50491026-shadows-of-the-past-i

Stay tuned and don’t forget that sharing is caring!

Thank you so much, everyone! #TemporaryBliss#shadowsofthepast#deadinisde

Shadows of the Past I: Chapter 6 – Alex POV

16th December 2017

The stay in the hospital was endless. It almost brought me to the end of my patience, but it was reminiscent of all the other times I would come down from a haze and try to figure out what the fuck is going on around me… except with good food this time. The nurses buzzed around me, and Ray’s bodyguards kept coming in and out like I’m some royalty in need of protection. I don’t know how he puts up with people looking over his shoulder all the time. I guess you get used to it after a while.

They sent me home with a handful of pills and a strong suggestion I should see a therapist. I don’t really know about that shrink part, but the pills are marvellous. This detachment suits me, it keeps the emotions at bay. It’s temporary though. I got no idea what will happen after. I only have a handful of them. They didn’t prescribe me any long-term stuff, just something to help me get my shit together for the time being. I need to see a doctor for more, but I don’t want to be dissected like an insect. What the fuck am I going to tell them? I sort of joined the mafia, mangled several people and assisted with more than one murder?

Fuck no. No. I can’t do this. I can’t.

“Alex, have you spoken to Denis today?”

I drop the bag on the bed and stare at Denis’ mom like I’m dumbstruck. I don’t know what in fuck’s name I’m doing here. Denis’ place doesn’t feel like a safe space anymore. In that bathroom down the hallway I fought Ray for my life; my blood had pooled on the floor – someone else had to clean it; the mirror’s been replaced, no signs of the deed itself, yet the wary looks I’m getting tell a different story. His parents don’t want me in the house anymore, I’m only a charity case now. They’re doing me a favour, but what they’re really saying is that I should get the fuck out of their house. Soon.

I shake my head slowly. Denis? I haven’t seen Denis since that day in the hospital. He’s sent me some random texts, but that sums up the interaction between the two of us. If it hadn’t been for George, his dad, who happens to work at the same hospital Ray took me to, I would be on the street right now. It’s wrong… to be here while me and Denis are barely speaking.

His mom takes a deep breath, trying to hide the worry on her face. I’ve no more idea where Denis is than they do. It’s all sort of fucked up to hell and back. Because I should know. I should drag my ass out of here, call him, or go out to look for him. I just can’t. I’m not sure I care about him. It’s a dangerous territory I’m stepping in. This numbness is thickening.

“I’ll let you rest, okay?” Irina says, doing her best to put on a smile. Who the hell is she kidding? I have a hard time talking, so I nod. They don’t want this kind of influence on their son. Hell, they might be even blaming me for the way he’d turned out lately.

I don’t want to be here, this is too messed up. Ray promised he’d come to the hospital this morning. He said he’d be there. I almost thought he’d ask me to go to his place. But when I last talked to him on the phone, he claimed he had stuff to do. Undefined stuff, the it’s-not-your-business kind of stuff.

I pull down the zipper on the bag, shuffle some of the clothes inside. I look around the room for my laptop, then I change my mind, push the travel bag on the floor and lay down in bed.

It’s disappointing. My stupid brain was hoping something would change going forward. Turns out we’re still in the same ditch, with mud so far up our arses we can’t figure out which way’s up and which is down.

I put a hand over my face, scratching the band-aid on my forehead. What the fuck am I going to do now?

 

Read the full chapter on Patreon. New chapters are being uploaded twice monthly.

Shadows of the Past I: Chapter 5 – Ray

The gun felt heavier than usual. The metal was getting colder and colder against his skin – or maybe just his hands did as he gripped the handle tighter. Felix, another one of his men walked in, weapon at the ready. A tall guy with haggard eyes which darted from him to Ivan. He held an M4 with both hands, his arms relaxed in spite of the blare of gunfire growing prominent through the open door. The commotion was still distant, and it sounded as if it came from the other side of the house. The situation seemed surreal for a short second, as Raymond’s mind raced through all of the possible outcomes. The gunshots resounding through his grandfather’s mansion were a mourning melody. The peace had come to an end.

“Boss?”

Both men stood in the doorway, watching him, expecting their orders. Good men. Young men. They had stood by him many times, protecting his back and ensuring his safety. They were trustworthy enough, and Raymond did not doubt their allegiance, but he still wondered for a moment. He did that a lot these days.

Another shaky silhouette hovered just behind his men, scared and twitchy as a rabbit in an open field. One of the rookies Marian had brought into the team a while back. He had a security background, if Raymond recalled correctly. A lot of the men who had worked in security thought that a strong build was enough to intimidate everyone. They were confident they could hold their ground in front of a venue door, bullying the attendees into obedience with the attitude emanating from their gruff commands and roughing up drunk patrons. The same thought must have ran through the young man’s mind, since he did not look physically weak by any means, but being a bodyguard was different. Raymond disliked him right away. Some of his people had started from meaningless security jobs and had learned to hold their own. Edgar was one of them. Now he was third in command of his team after Marian and Felix. Even he looked in disdain at the novice. Some people just did not have it in them.

His hand shook visibly on the gun as he stared down at the weapon as if he had no clue what to do with it. This would be a test to see how long he would last.

“Keep that pointed at the floor unless you want to kill one of us,” Felix snapped harshly.

Read the full chapter on Patreon.

Shadows of The Past I: Chapter 4 – Ray

“16th of December

The basement was cold and humid, yet the man sitting across the room from Raymond was pale and sweating. Isolation had not treated him well, neither had the torture. A couple of days in the dark, without food, woken up by cold buckets of water only to be greeted by Roman’s fists, day after interminable day, had brought the man to his knees. Stripped to his naked flesh, there was not one inch of skin left unbruised. Ray could discern the marks of knuckles here and there on his body. Roman had been thorough.

The Russian’s cheeks were drawn, his beard had grown except over one long graze across his cheek which looked close to festering. His slimy hair was plastered to his scalp, more reddish brown than the blonde Ray had associated with him.

Ivan’s teeth clattered as he stood hunched in the chair with his arms contorted backwards. Droplets of sweat ran down through the dried blood on his face, dripping steadily on his hips and knees.

For a second Raymond did not understand what he was doing in that damp basement. Life had not looked more miserable than right then, caught in Victor’s machinations, growing more paranoid by the day, cleaning other people’s mess.

Why am I here?

Ivan coughed, saliva clinging to his lips. He was shaking his head in his agonised sleep. His entire body was a bruised mass of cramps, spasms, and open wounds.

A dried patch of vomit stained the cement floor close to his chair, peeling at one side, shrivelled bits of food stuck to it, while dark spots of desiccated feces peppered the back of the chair and the floor underneath it.

A pitiful image. He would be dead by the middle of next week. A faithful, loyal dog, but a dead one, nevertheless.

“Wake him up,” Raymond instructed the guard.”

Read the full chapter on Patreon.

Pages:  16 // Word count: 6908

Shadows of the Past I: Chapter 3 – Ray

“He woke up in a slightly uncomfortable position, his clothes restraining his movements. He’d left his shirt on the previous night and now it clung damp against his back. The warmth was almost suffocating, his throat dry and unpleasant. He squinted as the light hurt his eyes, and his right arm was numb and heavy. The flop of hair tickling his nostrils almost made him sneeze.

He craned his neck up, staring at the hospital room for a second before remembering where he was. The sour aftertaste of alcohol in his mouth reminded him that he had exaggerated with the drinking the previous night. He’d lost count of the emptied glasses before he had left from Nolan’s. He licked his lips and swallowed in an attempt to ease the soreness of his throat, but the relief was short-lived. […]

The boy remained asleep, quiet and undisturbed. Raymond could almost pretend they were back at his flat. The machines surrounding the bed became a blur, the tubes hanging from the wall dissolved, even the distasteful paint on the walls, which attempted to offer comfort by turning the place into more than a hospital room, faded. The bleakness receded and he only saw Alex sleeping peacefully in the midst of it all, his face half hidden in the white pillow.”

Read the full chapter here.

Pages: 14 // Word count: 5759

Shadows of the Past I: Chapter 2 – Alex

We are nothing but flesh. A sack of bones pulled by gravitational strings on which even the slightest touch of a paper can inflict damage and make us bleed. What can I say? I do have my moments and get sucked into my mind. It’s just that my mind is not the best place to be right now.

The realization of what happened came to me slowly, but it revealed itself in all its splendour. Quite a harsh picture. Not even three days ago I’ve tried to kill myself. I remember the madness. For the first time, perhaps. I don’t know when it got so dark inside my head. It must’ve happened slowly. As with all things, it all piled up on top of the rest and at some point, the cluster toppled over. It buried me in shit from head to toe, dragged me under, attempted to drown me. It succeeded. It brought me down.

Only numbness and shame were left in its wake. They dwarf everything else. I would be screaming in fear if I wasn’t so numb. The extent of what I saw is still not fully comprehensible to me. The events to which I have assisted feel like a nightmare, but despite being awake, I’m not safe. I don’t think I will ever be safe again.

[…]

I flex my left hand, a sting biting through my wrist. That wound’s deep. Deep and long. They said I’m lucky I didn’t damage my nerves. Luck, what a funny concept. I turn my arm around. The bandage is stained but I can’t tell if it’s blood or that disgusting disinfectant they’ve been using. They’ve stuck a catheter in the back of my hand, and a butterfly needle in the crook of my arm so they can pump all sorts of shit into my body. They were concerned about the hit I took to the forehead, but I guess they figured out by now that I haven’t been right up there from the start. I chuckle. […]

Chapter word count: 5017 // 11 pages

Read the full chapter  on Patreon! You can find Chapter 1 here.

Update: Shadows of The Past I & My Writing

Hi guys,

I finally have an update! For all of you waiting for Shadows of The Past I, I am happy to announce that I will start publishing chapters from the book on a monthly basis on my Patreon page. You can receive an array of benefits from this and the list will be updated as we go forward.

There are several reasons behind this decision and you can read more about this on my Patreon page. Please click here to be redirected to the full post.

You can read the first chapter this Saturday, on the 21st of March. I will attempt to give you regular updates, so you guys know what to expect.

Stay tuned,

Alex